


Dear

by Rin_chan32



Series: Sincerely, [1]
Category: Houseki no Kuni
Genre: Amnesia, Crying, F/F, F/M, Hospitals, Human AU, Mention of Harrassment, Other, Suicide, This is the only thing with Cairnmea that I’m going to write, Weddings, blame Ichikawa for this, cairn is an asshat as usual, has two detailed descriptions of suicide, im coping with the chapter leaks forgive me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2019-09-30 01:40:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rin_chan32/pseuds/Rin_chan32
Summary: Spoilers for chapter 74Phosphophyllite is forced to be apart of Cairngorms and Aechmea’s wedding, miserable since their past partner cheated on them. After being humiliated by Cairn in front of everyone, they decide to do the unthinkable and jump off of the roof their work building. And when they expected to done with life, Phos wakes up in the hospital with no recollection of their life before the jump.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I’m Rin and I am craving angst this holiday season so enjoy.

Phos rested their head angrily on the palm of their hand, glaring at the newly married couple at the front of the room. Their heart stabbed itself when they saw their faces close and laughing as their fingers intertwined and did lovey-dovey couple stuff. It should’ve been them up with them, but the stupid _Cairngorm_  had to go behind their back and cheat on them.

 

The teal gem let out an angry sigh as their other hand balled up the white fabric on the table to hold back their urge to throw the sharpest knife at them. They bit down on their bottom lip to keep all of the insults and threats to themselves as their head hurt from thinking about what the fuck they did to the other. Did Phos kill their best friend or close relative to not only be cheated on, but framed for being with someone and _then_  being forced to go to their wedding? 

 

It angered them how Cairngorm managed to pull everything off and then act like the damsel in distress while they made Phosphophyllite out as the villain . They made stories up and had “proof” of conversations the teal gem had with others and said that Aechmea was their savior and fixed everything. Which was bullshit to Phos because they were the victim and no one seemed to care at what they had to say scout the whole situation. They only care about what the other had to say because they had “evidence” and a whole detailed story while Phosphophyllite had close to nothing. 

 

And it angered them because _Cairngorm_  was the one who disappeared in the middle of the night and _Phos_  was the one who was out until sunrise looking for their sorry ass. _They_  were the one who caught the other with the grown man and had majority of their clothes off and had their face glued to his. And their cheating partner was the one who went onto the others phone, looking through their text messages and taking conversations from past partners they had. And to put salt on the wound, they ignored Phos for literal months before showing at their doorstep and forcing them to go to their wedding. 

 

“Stupid Cairn,” They muttered under their breath, their eyes still staring daggers at the couple before they looked away and looked at the now-crumpled spot. “Just go choke on his fucking dick and see if I care.” 

 

Phosphophyllite couldn’t get anymore threats out before other people sat at the table they were at, thankfully being people who they were still able to call their friends. “Phos, are you okay?” The voice next to them asked, making the teal gem look at Padparadscha’s worried face. 

 

They were quiet for a bit before they looked at the people sitting down with them at the table with all their eyes looking worried. The order went from Padparadscha, Rutile, Jade, Euclase, Alexandrite, Yellow Diamond, Zircon, Benito, and then Goshe. 

 

Phos sighed before they nodded, moving their teal eyes to look back at the table close and ran their hand through their hair. “Yea, I’m just stressed out and all.” 

 

They looked back up to see the doubt in the elders face before they sighed and nodded, “Alright, if you say so…”

 

“I said that I’m fine, you really don’t worry about me.,” The teal gem forced a small smile so they could prove that no one needed to worry about their wellbeing at the moment— and it seemed to work from how Jade changed the subject to work and some other stuff.  

 

Normally, Phosphophyllite would dread talking about their work since they hated every second in that damn building— which was mostly because they had to listen to Aechmea’s voice boss them around literally every 10 seconds— but this was the only occasion where they enjoyed talking about it. And that was only because they had something to talk about besides the stupid wedding they were forced to be apart of. 

 

Their break from suffering they were dealing with came back when there was the sound of metal hitting glass, which made Phos feel sick. They were forced to look at the happy couple while they felt miserable in their own seat, having to look at their happy faces for the umpteenth time. They somehow managed to lock eyes with Cairngorm, a frown forming on both of their lips before the white haired gem looked at their partner. Phosphophyllite heard nothing Aechmea said, only watching his curved lips open and close as he spoke and gripping the cloth again to resist the urge of punching his ugly face. 

 

The other seemed to notice the others actions, deeming it to necessary to give the gem a smug look before looking at the ground. Once their spouse finally stopped speaking, their index finger ran along the mouth of the wine glass before holding the stem daintily. “Well,” they started, Phos’ frown growing as they felt even more sick from hearing the others voice. They just wanted to get this stupid wedding over with so they can do whatever the hell they wanted to do. “Before I got into a relationship with Aechmea, the person who I was with before wasn’t really a good person and-“

 

Phosphophyllite didn’t want to hear the rest of what they had to say— they knew that they were going to pull the victim card again and put the blame on them. They tore their eyes away from the couple and gathered their stuff, gathering the attention of some of the people at their table. “I’m going to the bathroom.” They muttered as they avoided eye contact with everyone. 

 

“Phos-“ 

 

“I’m fine,” they muttered as they scooted back in their chair and attracted more people to them. They felt more eyes look at them and Cairngorm’s horrendous speech come to a pause as they got up and walk away from the table angrily. 

 

“Phos, a-“

 

“I said I’m fine!” They yelled loudly, their voice echoing in the hallway, everything going silent besides their footsteps leaving the room. Their hands grasped onto the handle before they swung it open and slammed it shut. 

 

Now they’ll probably be the person dubbed “the wedding ruiner” for the rest of their life, but at least they have a damn good reason for it. 

They let out a sigh as they felt the army of emotions taking over their body as they let out shaky breaths to try to calm down. The room behind them was quiet Forbes what felt like forever before Aechmea’s voice said something and the room started laughing. They should’ve expected that they wouldn’t shrugged it off and made everyone focus on them— it wasn’t surprising one bit.

Phosphophyllite felt their eyes starting to burn as tears started to form, bringing their wrist up and wiping them before they went down their face. They went into the bathroom and locked the door so no one could come in and bother them, putting their back against the door before they started bawling. Their back rested against bathroom door as they sat on the ground, hugging their knees and they let out all of their emotion and cried. 

 

All of the pain of when they found out Cairngorm was cheating on them and when they framed them came back to them. All of the bottled up feeling that they felt while they were sitting down in the service and saw how happy they were were let out in that moment. Their cries echoed in the bathroom as their entire body shook from the crying and feeling so many emotions. 

 

They didn’t know why they deserved any of this shit that was dumped onto them all because they cared about their partner. They didn’t even know why they even went while knowing that every second was going to be painful. And the rest of their miserable life was going to be like that while knowing that the couple was going to brag about their happy lives. 

 

Aechmea was going to dump who knows what on their shoulders while they worked to make them pay for ruining his “perfect wedding”. He was going to do whatever that he thought was acceptable for just storming out during his spouses “perfect speech”. 

 

And Cairngorm? Ha, as if they even cared about their feelings in the first place... Phos has long history with being dragged places and having to hear them brag about their relationship before commenting on their miserable life ahead of them.  They’ll make fun of Their bland life and comment on how Phos will never be as happy as they are. 

 

The teal gem hid their wet face in their hands as they tried to calm down and catch their breath, but more cries left their lips. It took them awhile before they realized that they couldn’t deal with anything anymore, they were miserable already and they had a storm coming for them the second they woke up. 

 

Phos grabbed their stuff and unlocked the door, walking quicking to the front door so no one could ask them where they were going. The somewhat damp air greeted them as they opened the door, drops of water falling from the building. They walked on the wet ground for about a block before they muttered angry words under their breath, taking off their heels and throwing them at the ground before continued to walk away. 

 

The bottom of their tights got wet from the ground and they were positive that holes started to form as they walked to their office building. They reached into their bag when they reached the outside, grabbing their keys and unlocking the door before opening it. The alarm started to go off once they took a step inside, making Phos rush towards it and disarm it before they went to Aechmea’s office. 

 

They jiggled the door handle for a while, using the strength that they still had from their walk before they cursed under their breath. The teal gem walked over to their desk, pulling out a sheet of paper and a thick marker before writing “I Quit” in large letters. They grabbed a piece of tape and stuck it to the glass door before they went to the staircase at the back the office. 

 

And once the door was opened and the nearly pitch black staircase was in front of them, they started to make their way up to the rooftop. They used their phone flashlight so they could see the steps and not fall flat on their face. 

 

It was a long hike to get to the roof, the glowing from the street lights from under the door let them know they were close to the top. They then ran up to the door, leaning against it and swinging it open before they stumbled onto the rooftop. Their teal eyes looked at the view of the city from the top, looking at it for a while before they went over to the edge of The building. 

 

Their stomach did backflips as nervousness filled their body, looking at the long drop down from the roof to the concrete sidewalk. They took in a deep breath before they set their phone on the edge of the roof, standing next to it as they continued to look down. Their mouth was open and took in the fresh air as their heart started to pound from the action they were about to complete. 

 

Phosphophyllite’s eyes closed before they took in a deep breath, calming themselves down as they felt the wind blown once more. They breathed like that for what seemed like an eternity before their body slowly started to tip over the edge, falling off and going towards the ground.

 

As their body fell, they saw a smile from someone who they cared about, but shrugged it off because it was too late to do anything about it. The last thing they heard before they hit the ground and went unconscious was someone scream from across the street. And the last thing they felt before everything went black was pain all throughout their body as their bones cracked when it hit the ground. 

 

And everything went away when their head smashed against the concrete below them. 


	2. Chapter 2

Phosphophyllite let out a small hum, a hiss coming out of their mouth as they tried to move their legs and pain shot up their spine. There were some familiar voice muttering something, making them want to open their eyes to see who was in the same room with them. But, they were practically blinded when they opened their eyes and all they saw was a bright light, letting out a groan from the back of their throat as they moved their head to the side. 

 

Someone’s name was called and footsteps left the room in a hurry, other voices echoing around the room. 

 

“Are they okay?”

 

“Phos, are you okay?”

 

“Phos?”

 

“Do they even remember their name?

 

“Hey, Phos? Can you hear us?”

 

“Ah… I wish Padparadscha found Rutile quickly…”

 

The teal gem let out a moan as they opened their eyes and looked at a brightly lit wall, staring at it for a few seconds before they turned their head to the side. The very first thing that their eyes laid on was multiple pairs of eyes looking at them worriedly before looking at multiple cords that were stuck up in their arm. They looked at the people looking at them before they looked back at their arm and back at them, something between a sigh and a whine leaving their lips when they realized they didn’t know where they were. They didn’t know any of these people, they didn’t know who they were, they didn’t know what happened, they don’t remember anything. 

 

Phosphophyllite let out a gasp of pain as they tried to get out of the bed, ignoring all of the pain in their body as they moved. “W-What..?” They muttered shakily, as their fingers tried to take out the things in their arm. “I… I don’t-“

 

“Phos, calm down, okay?” Someone with green hair muttered, getting up slightly as worry quickly spreading on their face. 

 

“Phos? I… I don’t.. who is that?” 

 

“What,” someone else with dark blue hair muttered, “what do you mean..?”

 

Before they could say something else, a soft hand rested on their shoulder and made them quickly turn their head. Someone with short hair stood behind them and someone else with enormous hair walked into the doorway. From the two other people coming into the room, they felt more stressed out than before and started to back away from them. 

 

“Hey, you’re fine,” the one with short hair muttered, their hand leaving their shoulder, gently resting on the bed. “Calm down, you’re fine now, just relax.”

 

Phosphophyllite could only look at the others face as they just breathed and nodded softly, letting their body relax as they moved a bit closer to them. “I.. I don’t-“

 

“I know that you don’t know what’s going on, I’ll explain everything once you calm down.”

 

They nodded again, continuing to breathe before they looked at everyone else in the room for a few second. Once they felt their body relax completely and they stopped freaking out, they laid back in the bed and looked at the other above them. 

 

“Are you feeling better now?”

 

“Y-Yea… I think so…”

 

“Okay,” they sighed, looking at the crumpled sheets before they put their hand on their chest, “I’m Rutile and I’m going to be your doctor while you’re here.”

 

“A-Alright…”

 

“Do you remember your name?”

 

They shook their head.

 

“Your name is Phosphophyllite and you’re 22 years old.”

 

“Phosphophyllite…?”

 

Rutile nodded, “That’s your name. Do you see the person with the blue and gold hair over there?”

 

“Yea…”

 

“That’s Lapis Lazuli, they’re your older sibling. You were adopted by their family when you were younger.”

 

Phos nodded and the other went on with explaining who everyone else was in the room. Skipping Lapis and themselves, they told them that the people with them were Jade, Euclase, Yellow Diamond, Zircon, Ghost Quartz, Diamond, Alexandrite, Chrysoberyl, and Padparadscha. Along with the introductions, they gave them a brief explanation of who they were and what they did for a living. It was honestly a lot to handle with all of these “new” people being introduced to them all at once. 

 

“So… I used to be friends with everyone here?”

 

Rutile nodded, “it was these people and more, but you’ll probably meet them later one of these days.”

 

“Okay…” 

 

“Do you remember anything from before you woke up?”

 

“Huh?” Phos looked at the doctor curiously, confused of why they decided to ask that suddenly. They looked at their straight face for a few seconds and looked at the crumpled blanket on their lap, trying their hardest to remember something. 

 

All that came to their mind was small glimpses of events that didn’t make any sense to them at that moment. First it was an office, then it was a room, then a face, which then moved to white, then to people smiling, a crowd, laughing, a bathroom that turned into a sidewalk, and lights from a town. 

 

“If you don’t remember anything, then don’t-“

 

“A..” they started, their eyes still looking at the wrinkles of the cloth above their lap as they continued to think. As they sat there with mouth slightly open, their mind went back to the white clothing people wore, their stomach feeling sick for some reason. “A wedding, I think?” They said finally, moving their head to look at the other curiously. 

 

There was an awkward moment of silence for a few seconds before the look on peoples faces turned to look either upset or angered. When they were about to ask what happened, Padparadscha muttered something under their breath and walked out of the room. Phosphophyllite looked at the door before they looked at the the doctor besides them worriedly, who wore a sad smile on their lips. 

 

“Sorry for asking, I was just curious about something.”

 

“Why did you ask..?”

 

Rutile let out a heavy sigh before they looked at the other people sitting down curiously, looking back at them with a frown. “I was asking because almost a year ago, you tried to commit suicide and jumped off of the building that you worked at. We weren’t exactly sure why you did it, so I just wanted to ask to see if you remembered anything.”

 

“I… I see,” phos muttered as they looked back down at the bedding, trying to figure out why in worlds name would they do something like that. But instead of coming up with a solid answer, they received a headache instead. 

 

Their eyes moved when they heard the doctor’s heels click against the ground as they moved towards the open door. “We should probably leave you alone to rest instead of stressing you out more than you already are. Let me know if you need anything.” They announced before they left with a small wave. 

 

Phosphophyllite nodded softly before their teal eyes looked at everyone else getting up and heading towards the door. People smiled and waved at them as they headed to the door, telling them that they’d be back someone soon to see them. Yellow Diamond and Zircon were the last people to leave the room, going to to them and handing them a cell phone and a charger. “This is yours, we figured that you’d want this back.” The Yellow haired gem said with a small smile. 

 

“Someone found it on top of the building and I kept it for you, it’s fully charged so you could be on it for a while.” Zircon added, giving them a small smile, “I hope that you remember everything soon.”

 

“Thanks,” The teal gem gave them a smile as they watched them leave, looking down at the device and cord in their hands.

 

They set the cord to the side before they clicked the button on the bottom on the screen, looking at the wallpaper that popped up. It showed a picture of them with someone else with white hair, the both of them holding stuffed animals and laughing about something. They looked at it for a while before they opened their phone and laid down on the bed. 

 

A sigh left their lips as they looked through all of their applications, deciding to go onto their social media to try to figure more about the people that they might have known. It seemed like a bad idea first going on and seeing a flood of messages on their timeline from multiple people. They recognized the people who were in the room when they woke up, and a ton of people that they didn’t know. 

 

They found it that Rutile was the one who often updated people on their condition— which seemed normal since they were the one taking care of them. But, there were a few messages that stood out to them and made them explore more about them. 

 

The first was someone named Cinnabar, who simple left a message saying “You liar” and nothing else following that. Not what they promised before, not an explanation, but just “you liar”. They wanted to personally ask them what they meant by that, but they felt awkward asking them and would probably find them when they got out and ask them face to face. 

 

The last one didn’t seem that interesting to them until they realized that it was the same person who was in their wallpaper when they opened their phone. And while looking through their profile, they found that this person seemed to be… pretty freaking cool from briefly looking at them. 

 

Their name was Antarcticite and it appeared to be that they lived in the more colder parts of the region and not anywhere close. They were apparently in an accident a few years ago and because of it they had scars all over their face and their body. 

They wrote on their timeline “Ah, I feel guilty to hear that you’re in the hospital even though I’m not at fault. Just only if I lived a little closer to you, then you probably wouldn’t be where you are, but I guess that it’s too late to do anything about it now.. all i can really say is that I hope that you make a quick recovery and I’ll see you when you get out.”

 

Phos looked at their message for a little while before they sighed and moved on to look at what everyone else said. Part of them wanted to just reply to every single thing, but it was way too much and they let it slide. 

 

They went on to look through all of their other social media sites to look for other people they thought they should know or to learn more about themselves. They didn’t learn much more about anyone else and didn’t knew nothing about themselves, so they decided to look through their messages. And from doing that, they did manage to gain information about their relationships with people. 

 

One thing that they learned was that Rutile was right and Lapis and them being siblings, since just by looking through their conversations. They scrolled up to the top (or until their finger started to hurt) and read down to the bottom. They did that to most of their conversations since they had nothing else to do in their spare time. The only one that they didn’t read was someone who only had the title “Please die” and all they was were swearing and fights. Phos figured that whoever this person was wasn’t important and they shouldn’t try to figure this person out, simply moving on to other stuff. 

 

They took a break after a little while to talk to the doctor and to get to know them a little bit better before taking a small nap. They woke up when the sun was setting, their tired eyes staring at the wall before they grabbed their phone and did more investigating. Phosphophyllite went into the gallery and looked through all of their photos to see the memories that they had. They spend the rest of the evening scrolling through pictures and videos that they had of them and other people. 

 

It made them somewhat upset from seeing themselves being so happy and carefree, almost always having a big smile and laughing a lot. They went out and hung out with people a lot, telling that they enjoyed being with Cinnabar and Antarcticite from how much they laughed in the background. They seemed like they were a happy person, and it made them upset from the information Rutile told them when the woke up. That they tried to commit suicide from jumping off of their work building, it was even a more mystery of why they decided to do that. 

 

They were interrupted when the device in their buzzed and their eyes drifted to the top of the screen, their stomach dropping when they saw the name it the top. From the mysterious person dubbed “Please die”, they send a message basically scolding them for not replying to their message when they saw it. It had other lie there in bed and stare at it confused, clicking on it and replying ‘what?’

 

‘Don’t fucking play dumb with me. You keep on ignoring all of my shit I’m trying to send you, like what the hell is wrong with you?’

 

“I’m sorry but who is this? I really don’t know who this is.’

 

There was a pause in the conversation before the other simply replied ‘Cairngorm.’ Phos looked at their name before looking at their next message, ‘by the way, Aechmea wants you to come back to work for whatever reason tomorrow, so do that.’

 

‘Okay.?’ Phosphophyllite let out a sigh of relief when the other didn’t reply, setting their phone down on the flat surface next to them, looking up at the dark ceiling. They didn’t feel all that tired, but at the same time they just waited to just close their eyes and go to sleep. Their head turned to the side when they heard Rutile start to come in, their hazel eyes looking at the younger gem curiously. 

 

“How are you feeling.”

 

“I’m fine,” they started, giving them a small smile before they sat up a little bit. “Could I ask you a question though.”

 

“Sure, What is it that you wanted to ask me?”

 

“Whose Cairngorm?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re going to be seeing more updates from this since I finally know how I want this to go.

A couple of months passed by Phosphophyllite was able to leave the hospital and they haven’t been more happier than to finally leave. Lapis ended up having to work that day, so Rutile decided to volunteer to take them home on their break. They weren’t sure if they could do that, but they didn’t really care since they were just so happy to finally get out of the place. The checking out process took forever and the entire time they were hoping to see the doctors face and have a break from all of there nurses around them.

 

Once they left and gave them the play to leave, they sat on the edge of the bed as they waited for their ride to come by. As they waited, they grabbed their phone and went on the contact titled ‘I miss you’— which was the name that their past self gave them. Their eyes looked at the contact for a while before they simply sent a message saying ‘hey… I’m out’, hoping that they understood what they meant.

 

It was right after it sent when there was a small

Knock on the door, Rutile giving them a small smile when their eyes met theirs. “Are you ready to go?”

 

“Mhm,” Phos hummed as they got up from the bed and went closer to the other. While they followed the doctor outside of the building, they felt the device in their hands buzz for a few seconds. When they got to a stopping point, they turned it over and looked at the screen, feeling happy when they saw “I miss you” appear on the screen with a message underneath the bold name.

 

‘Ah, I’m glad that you’re out. How do you feel?’

 

‘Alright, I suppose. I’m mostly confused since I apparently lost my memory and I don’t remember anything.’

 

There was a small pause, ‘that’s a shame. I’m Antarcticite, if you didn’t my name. I’m pretty sure your past self changed it to something else.’

 

‘Yea, they changed it to “I miss you” instead of a name..’

 

‘It seems like something they’d do. Let me know if you need help with anything.’

 

‘Thanks.’ Phosphophyllite paused after they sent the message before they let out a small sigh, ‘actually, could you help me explain some of the things that happened beforehand.’

 

‘Sure, I don’t mind doing that at all.’

 

By the time neither of them could think of something to say to the other, they were already at the front door, feeling the wind come inside of the building as they walked outside with the other. “Hey, Rutile?”

 

“Hm?” They doctor in front of them hummed as they turned around to look at them curiously.

 

“Where does Antarcticite live?”

 

Rutile looked at them curiously, “why do you want to know?” They asked as they stood outside of their car, their elbows resting against the top of the vehicle. The both of them were honestly lucky that the weather was pretty decent and wasn’t too hot or too cold at that moment.

 

Phosphophyllite hummed softly before they pulled up the conversation that they just finished having, handing their phone to the other. The soft pads of their fingertips brushed against their fingers as they grabbed the device, looking at the conversation between the two. Their chest lifted up with a small sigh before they handed their phone back to them and looked them in the eyes softly. “They live several cities away from here, it takes a couple of hours to get there.”

 

“That far away?”

 

They nodded, “it’s a lot more colder up there than it is here, and they always seemed to like the cold from my understanding.”

 

“Okay..”

 

Rutile flashed them a smile before they turned away and opened their car door, “I’m sure that you could talk to them and Lapis to find a date for you to go.”

 

“I’ll probably talk to them later.” Phosphophyllite muttered to themself, watching them get into the car before they repeated their actions. “What about Cinnabar? Do you know where they are?”

 

The other shook their head, “Sorry, I don’t know where they live. I know that they moved away around a few years ago, but I’m not that close to them to know exactly where they are.”

 

“Mmm…” they hummed softly, looking out the window as they thought to themselves. “Are they mean?”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“Cinnabar. Are rude or anything?”

 

“I’m sure that anti-social fits them more than rude does, they just prefer to be by themselves rather than being with others. What makes you ask that?”

 

Phos frowned a bit as they hummed while thinking of what to say, “they left a message somewhere saying you liar and didn’t leave anything else. I’m just curious about what they’re like.”

 

“Don’t worry about that, they just aren’t the person to express their feelings through words.”

 

The teal gem looked away from the window and turned their attention to the doctor as they spoke, blinking a few times before they slumped in their seat. “I get what you’re saying but… they’re just too confusing. I doubt that I could ever have a good relation with them…”

 

“You know that you used to date them.”

 

“Huh!?” Phosphophyllite quickly shot up in their seat and looked at them curiously. Their actions seemed to humor the other, a smile forming on the others face as they let out a laugh.

 

“You used to date them for about a few years before they had to move so they could get a better job.”

 

“I see… what about Antarcticite?”

 

“You dated too.”

 

“What about Jade?”

 

“Pfft, no. You hated them.”

 

“I did?”

 

“You did. They always made you do stuff you didn’t want to do, so you just didn’t like them.”

 

“Ah, that sounds like something I’d do...”

 

It wasn’t that much longer until they reached the place where Lapis lived, the car stopping as an apartment complex and pointing at the which one to go in. “It should be unlocked.”

 

“Thank you, Rutile!” Phos gave the other a wave as they watched the car go down the road. Once it was gone, they turned around and looked at which door to go inside of, getting excited to see what it looked like on the inside.

 

They walked up the stairs, went to the closed door and carefully opened it, their teal eye peeking through the cracked opening in the door. They looked at the dark inside for a few more seconds before they took a step inside. Their back pressed against the closed door for some sort of balance as they pried off their loosely tied shoes and turned on the lights.

 

Phosphophyllite stood in the doorway for a little bit before they moved their sock covered feet to move across the slightly slippery floorboards. They looked around the somewhat small apartment until they found a closed door with their full name written in nice handwriting. “Is that how you spell it?” They whispered to themselves, their cheeks heating up from embarrassment from not knowing how to correctly spell their name the whole time they were awake.

 

Their slender fingers wrapped around the brass doorknob before they walked into their bedroom and looked around. There was a neatly made bed with a full sheet of paper on top, their name on it written nicely on it along with a card. They couldn’t help their curiosity and sat on the covers before picking it up and opening the card first. And to their luck, a familiar green piece paper fell from the center and onto their lap. They didn’t remember asking for any money, but they weren’t going to complain about it since it was nice having it available.

 

The piece of paper was from Lapis saying that they were sorry that they couldn’t be there to take them home and they had to work that day since it was hard for them to ask off. They also said that that there was food for them and Phos stopped reading once food was involved in the conversation.

 

Phosphophyllite left their room and immediately located the kitchen, looking through the cabinets until they found the the right thing. They sat down on the couch and ate their food as they flipped through the channels on the tv in front of them. They ended up sitting there until the late afternoon, which was when they turned it off and retreated to their room.

 

A sigh left their body as they laid down on the soft surface, their eyes closing as they laid there for about a minute before they moved to be under the covers. A happy hum left their curved lips as their body wiggled between the bed and the blankets, feeling a thousand times more comfortable than they were in the hospital. Once they were content with their position, they rolled onto their side and took ahold of their phone again before plugging the cord into the wall so it could charge.

 

They talked to Antarcticite about them coming to where they lived to talk about stuff while bringing their idea up to Lapis. Their sibling thought that it was a good idea that they were trying to talk to other people besides the ones who were visiting them. And once they finished talking to the both of them, they looked at the contact name “please die”. Curiosity wanted to get to best of them and try to read the beef between their past self and the so-called person named Cairngorm— but after being scolded for being curious, they just looked at the contact name instead of investigating.

 

Seeing the bold letters across their confused okay made them remember the words Rutile said when they asked about them. “Don’t worry, it’s no one too important that you should concern yourself with.”

 

What does did they even mean? That it’s no one too important to concern themselves with? If their dubbed as “please die”, they must be important in one way or another. It probably going to be better if they asked anyone else, guessing that they’d probably get the same answer as Rutile did.

 

Phosphophyllite sighed and placed their phone screen down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, hoping that they’d soon get answers about what happened in the past. They stared at the ceiling thinking about what might happen when they leave, ending up falling asleep with their buzzing thoughts. 


	4. Chapter 4

“I’ll see you later!” Phosphophyllite yelled to Lapis  as they ran past the open doors and into the bullet train in front of them. A smile quickly formed on their lips as they went to a window to look at their sibling smile and wave at them, standing where they were as they waited for the train to leave. The teal gem looked at the other before they walked to an empty spot and sat in it, putting their stuff in their lap as they turned around to look out of the window. They gave the other outside a dorky smile and waved at them as the train started to pull out and leave. Once the dark blue gem wasn’t in their sight anymore, Phos sighed and turned back around in their seat and looked up at the ceiling.

 

Today was the day that they were finally going to meet Antarcticite after days of planning this trip with them, and they were honestly a bundle of emotions. They were excited because they could see the other face to face and they also had an opportunity to meet Cinnabar since they apparently lived the next town over. But, actually leaving their sibling to be on a train for hours before staying with them? That was the most scary part about this whole situation.

 

Everyone that they asked all said that the other was really nice and that they’d take good care of them, but anything could really happen if they were just alone with them. What if they had a really bad secret that they never told anyone and Phos just managed to figure it out? They let their mind think about all of the possibilities before a shiver went down their spine and they forced themselves to look outside the window. “I’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” They whispered to themselves, looking down at their covered lap and just breathed.

 

They grabbed their phone and looked at the instructions that the other had sent them a day ago, rereading them a couple of times before setting it down. Their teal eyes glanced out of the window and watched everything fly by as they moved quickly, sighing as they wished that they could get there sooner. They kept their eyes focused on the scenery outside before they leaned back in their seat and grabbed their phone, thinking of what to do to kill time as they waited.

 

It wasn’t that much longer before the intercom above them read their destination clearly, hopping up before grabbing their stuff and leaving the locomotive. Once both feet crossed the threshold, they immediately saw the other standing by a pillar with a map of the train routes. Although they’ve seen pictures of them before, seeing their scarred face almost made them want to turn back around and leave. Their emotionless face as their eyes looked for them made it look like they were about to snap their neck if they made them mad enough.

 

Phosphophyllite swallowed their pride before they went up to the other, giving them a small smile as they waved. Antarcticite smiled softly and gave them a small wave as well before walking up to them and holding out their gloved hands. The other grabbed their slightly warm hand gently and let their smile grow, “it’s nice to see you.”

 

“It’s nice to see you, too,” the white gem released their hand and put their own in the pocket of their white coat. “Do you have everything that you need?”

 

They nodded, “yup, I made sure that I had everything with me before we pulled in.”

 

“That’s good, I would hate it if you came all this way and left something.” Antarcticite muttered, the smile still on their lips before their cool eyes looked away from their figure and looked up the concrete stairs. “It was raining all morning before you arrived, hopefully it stopped by now but it’s going to be unfortunately a bit colder than usual.”

 

Phosphophyllite kept the smile on their lips before they nodded, “alright,” they replied before they set their stuff on the ground and dug around for their coat. “Where are we going after this?”

 

“There’s a coffee shop not too far away from here that I had in mind. If you wanted to talk somewhere more private then I could take you to my place instead.”

 

“No, I don’t mind talking there. Just as long as I get to talk to you about things, then I’m fine with wherever you come up with.”

 

Once Phos zipped up their jacket and grabbed the stuff that they placed on the ground, the two of them headed out of the station and back above ground. They almost hid behind the other when they felt the harsh, cold air hit their body as soon as they went outside. “Can I ask you something?” They asked, watching a puff of air come out of their mouth and then disappear.

 

Antarcticite turned around and gave them a curious look, “what do want to ask me?”

 

“Why do you like the cold so much? Doesn’t it bother you when it’s this cold all the time?”

 

“I grew up in a place where we had weather like this almost all the time, so I guess that it brings back good memories.”

 

“Do you feel the same way with other places?”

 

They let out a hum before they nodded, “Yea, I suppose I do.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I always enjoyed going to the city where you lived in. It’s always so pretty and most of the people I know are there, so I go there every spring.”

 

Phosphophyllite looked at them as they walked by their side on the sidewalk. “So, That means…”

 

The other looked at them with a soft smile, “Yea, I came to visit you when you were still passed out.”

 

They could only look at the other with their mouth slightly open as they followed them inside of the brightly lit store. They definitely listened to them say that they came there every spring, but they had no clue about why they would take time out of seeing everyone else just to see them. “What did you during that time.”

 

They shrugged softly, shrugging off their coat and taking off their gloves to reveal their scarred hands. “I just talked to you about things and I pretended that you were listening to me.”

 

“I see..” Phos muttered, taking off their coat as well before they followed the other to an empty table where there wasn’t too many people. The both of them sat down, seeing their coats on the back of the chairs before they looked at each other.

 

“So, What do you want me to talk about first?”

 

“Um..” the teal gem muttered, reaching into their bag and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper with questions on it.

 

“I think the first thing that I wanted to ask you was what was our relationship was like before everything happened? I heard some stuff but I just wanted to hear it from you.”

 

Antarcticite nodded softly and opened their mouth to speak, closing it not too long afterwards after a server came to their table. They gave the other a sad look before they looked at the person who approached them. The older gem got a coffee while the younger one got a simple hot chocolate, the both of them getting small cakes or sweet snacks. When they walked away, they looked back at the other with a gentle smile, putting their forearms on the table in front of them.

 

“To answer your question before we were interrupted, we dated for a few months a few years ago.”

 

“Rutile mentioned something about that when I first got out.”

 

They nodded softly, their cool eyes drifting down ah the table as their lips curved into a small smile. “We were really close during that time even if we lived cities away and you’d always come up to visit whenever you had to chance. And of course, I’d go down every spring to see you, but we were always close together.”

 

“How… How did things start to fall apart?”

 

Antarcticite let out a heavy sigh as they looked up at them, moving their elbows off of the table to make room for the things they ordered to be set down. “You had to stop coming over as often because things got really busy as work and then this happened,” they pointed at a deep scar on their face with a sad smile.

 

Phosphophyllite’s chest had a heavy weight on it as they frowned, “How did that happen…?”

 

“I got into a really bad car accident when I was coming to see you, and unfortunately I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

 

“What about after that..?”

 

“I was hospitalized for a long time and…” they paused as they looked back at the table, their hands wrapping around the warm cup in front of them. “You  ignored your job and stayed by my side the entire time, you were practically making yourself sick worrying about me. So I had to call our relationship off for your sake.”

 

“I see… and then Cinnabar came into the picture?”

 

Antarcticite shook their head as they drunk the drink in front of them, “they were always apart of your life, you were your closest friend as far as I could remember. It wasn’t until months after we broke up was when ”

 

“Really? It doesn’t seem like we could ever get along…” Phosphophyllite muttered, bring their cup to their lips as they watched the other laugh softly.

 

“Everyone always seemed to think that about you two, but you guys always seemed to get along really well. They’re just… not good with being around with other people and prefer to be by themselves, they’ve pretty much always been like that,” Antarcticite explained, enjoying the other look of surprise on their face. “They seem harsh at first, but they’re really nice once you get to know them, trust me. They’re pretty much like a flower— it takes a while for them to get used to you.”

 

“From what they sound like, they sound more like a daisy more than anything.” They grabbed a fork and stabbed one of the small food in front of them before putting it in their mouth. “Is there anything else that I should know about them?”

 

They sighed before they shook their head, “I don’t think that there’s anything else I should let you know about them since you’re going to go see them after this.”

 

Phosphophyllite nodded softly before they looked back at their list, reviewing the things that they did and didn’t ask before looking back at the other. “Could I ask you one more thing before we go?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“What could you tell me about Cairngorm?”

 

“Cairngorm?” Antarcticite repeated, setting their cup down at they looked at the other curiously. Once the teal gem nodded, they let out a small sigh and glanced up at the ceiling. “I don’t really know too much about them, I never really trusted them enough to get to know them.”

 

“You never trusted them?”

 

“No, I just always felt bad vibes from them whenever I was near them. So I never really trusted them too much and tried to keep my distance.”

 

“Do you know anything about what our relationship used to be?” They asked, pulling up their conversation and showing it to the other. The white gem took the device and looked at the constant evidence of fights between the two.

 

“I know a little bit, but I don’t know all of the details,” they said after a while, handing their phone back and looking at them. “Cinnabar broke up with you since they couldn’t handle long distance relationship too well and Cairngorm confesses to you not too long after that. I heard that you said that you wanted to try it out and not take anything too serious about anything just yet. And everything seemed fine between you two for a while and I wasn’t really too concerned about anything until I heard about Ghost.”

 

“What happened between them?”

 

“They’re siblings, Ghost Quartz is older by a year or two while Cairngorm is the youngest. Apparently they always bickered about something all of their life, but about a year ago it got violent. No one really knows exactly what happened between them, but they don’t talk or mention each other anymore.”

 

“So…” Phos muttered, not finishing their sentence as their mind wandered off. It made more sense about why Rutile just said “don’t worry about them” and everyone else they asked almost said the same thing. “Did that change them after that?”

 

“I guess so because things started spiraling downhill from there,” Antarcticite added as they looked at them sadly. “From what I heard, they cheated on you with your boss and then harassed you and made your life miserable. And then they forced you to go to their wedding and now we’re here.”

 

Now it made sense about why Padparadscha stormed out of the room when they said that.

 

“Did you go?”

 

“No, I said that I had to go to work on that day. Which I did, but I work from home so it didn’t really matter either way.”

 

“I see..” Phosphophyllite said to themselves, gathering their thoughts together and looking at the crumpled paper before thanking them. The two of them finished eating and drinking what they ordered at the place before they paid and left, going back to Antarcticite’s apartment.  It was somewhat late from Phos arriving midday and spending the rest of the sunlight talking and asking questions. The white gem showed them to the guest room before telling them to go to them if they needed anything.

 

It was that night when they had the first uncomforting dream ever since they had woken up from their coma. They were back in their hospital room and they could still hear the obnoxious beeping of the heart monitor next to them, but they couldn’t move anything. They didn’t think much of it and laid there looking at the ceiling until there was a knock at the door. “Ah, you’re still like that, huh?”

 

Their eyes moved to the door and saw Antarcticite standing in the doorway, their scarred lips holding a sad smile before they walked to the nearest chair and sat down. It was quiet between the two before their chest heaved with a sigh, “I know that you probably won’t hear what I’m saying-“

 

“What?” Phos looked at them curiously, surely thinking that the other could see their eyes and that they were awake. But, they didn’t think about that too long once the other started to speak again, their voice sounding more quieter than before.

 

“I wanted to let you know that I still love for care for you and-“

 

“Hey…”

 

Their voice grew quieter. “I’m just worried about you and I want you to take care of yourself-“

 

“Can you not hear me..?” Phosphophyllite could barely hear them now, their voice just barely above a whisper. They tried to stop talking so they could just listen to what they had to say, but every noise that slipped past their lips made their voice reduce to nothing. The only evidence that they had that they were even still talking was their moving lips, nothing else.

 

But the thing that drove them crazy was that although they couldn’t hear Antarcticite talk to them, they could hear everything else around them. They heard the machines next to them, the footsteps and voices of the nurses outside of the room and the birds chirping outside the window. The sirens of ambulances leaving the hospital, cars honking and vehicles speeding to make that green or yellow light in its final seconds, the screaming and laughing of children— everything.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“Antarcticite?”

 

“I don’t understand what’s happening?”

 

They continued to ask them questions, looking at their face changing expressions as they poured their heart out to them. Phos tried to yell at the medical professionals that they saw pass by them to see if they could hear their voice, but nothing that that did worked.

 

“I’m going to go ahead and leave.” Antarcticite’s voice went back to the volume it was at before, making the other jump from surprise from hearing their voice again. “Thanks for listening, I guess…”

 

“What.. I didn’t hear what you said.”

 

“Hey… come back, tell me what you said. I couldn’t hear what you had to tell me.”

 

“Antarcticite?”

 

“Come back, please”

 

They tried to move their body so they could get closer to the other, but nothing would move. Their head just moved left and right as they tried to get their body to move, getting more frantic as the other got closer to the door.

 

“I’ll see you later.”

 

“No,” Phosphophyllite let out a shaky sigh, feeling hopeless as all they could do was watch them leave them alone in this hellhole. “COME BACK!!!”

 

Nothing worked and they turned around, their gloved fingertips holding onto the door knob as they started to close the door. And once the door clicked closed, the heart monitor right next to them flatline as they stared at the door.

 

The teal gem ended up waking up in a cold sweat, their body sitting up once their eyes opened and saw the dark ceiling. When their eyes adjusted to the dark room, they stared at their violently shaking hands before they touched their face, shirt, and felt their heartbeat to make sure that this wasn’t a dream. And once they gathered their thoughts together and realized that this was the real word, they hid their face in their hands and they cried.

 

They stayed sitting up for a little longer before they laid back down and cried themselves to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this earlier, but I was babysitting and ended up watching the octonauts for an hour or so.


	5. Chapter 5

Phosphophyllite left Antarcticite’s apartment in the afternoon the next day, walking through the cold atmosphere back to the train station. As they waited for their train to come, all they could think about was the dream they had the last night. They could still see the others facial expression and their lips and they would practically hear their screams of confusion. A sigh left their slightly opened lips as they looked up and watched the train slowly pull to a stop. 

 

Once they sat down in their seat and all of their stuff was available to them, they pulled out the crumpled piece of paper and a pencil. And until their next stop, they wrote down as many questions that they could come up with to ask Cinnabar. A sigh left their mouth as their station was called over the intercom above them, feeling like the things that they wrote down weren’t enough to understand everything fully. 

 

When they got off, Phos pulled out a stinky notes with an address on and inserted it into the gps and started to walk in the direction it took them. Apparently Antarcticite talked a tad bit to Cinnabar since they lived somewhat close together and knew where they worked from that. So now they were navigating through the unknown city trying to look for the redhead. 

 

It felt like hours of walking around the city to find the others workplace before wandering around to find the redhead. And it wasn’t much longer until they spotted the other walk out of a building with a bag over their shoulder. “Hey, Wait!” They yelled as they started to go after them, a sigh leaving with their lips as the saw the other walking faster. “Hey, Cinnabar! Cinna-“

 

They couldn’t finish what they were going to say from the red gem stopping suddenly, staying where they were before they took a step back and looked at them. Their tired red eyes looked at them for a while before a small frown formed on their lips, “Phos? What are you doing here?”

 

“I… I came to talk to you about some stuff. Antarcticite told me that I should talk to you about things that they didn’t know the answers to.”

 

Cinnabar’s frown grew when they finished, their eyes looking away from them and glanced at the pavement, nodding after a few seconds. “Alright, come with me and we’ll talk,” they muttered softly. Phosphophyllite nodded before they walked quickly to catch up to them, trailing behind the redhead as they found a place to talk. 

 

They ended up walking to the redhead’s apartment, their eyes glancing around the somewhat messy place before following them to the couch and sitting down. As the red gem wandered to the kitchen to get something to drink, they reached into their bag and pulled out the list of questions that they had for them. Their teal eyes looked up when the other came back with a bottle of tea, muttering “here” before sitting across from the other.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“So, what did you wanted to ask me?”

 

“Do you know what happened between Cairngorm and Ghost Quart?” Phosphophyllite asked, the words pouring out of their mouth without a second thought. A small frown formed on their lips when they realized what they asked, wanting to ask another question other than that. They really wanted to find out what the beef was between them and Cairngorm  before asking anything else, but it was too late to change the question now. 

 

Cinnabar looked at them curiously, their eyebrow raised softly before giving them a soft nod and sighing as they thought. “I used to work with Lapis and Ghost since it was close to where I lived, so I know a little bit of what happened.”

 

“Do you still remember what happened?”

 

They nodded, “I can’t recall what happened word for word, but I know that they got into a fight about something. Apparently something was off about Cairngorm and Ghost was worried so they tried to see what was bothering them, but they ended up just getting into a fight about it-- something like they didn’t want to be treated younger than them anymore. And… I guess it got physical and words were exchanged, but I’m not sure who said what or why it escalated to be like that since they never went into detail about it.”

 

“I see… Do you know what happened to them after that?”

 

“You were in a relationship with them and they left you for someone else and Ghost just cut them off and doesn’t talk about them anymore.”

 

Hearing the others explanation made them remember what they wanted to really ask first, looking down at their list of question before looking at the person in front of them. “Why did they leave me for someone else.”

 

Cinnabar opened their mouth before closing it and let out a heavy sigh, their hand reaching up to play with the piece of hair hanging in front of their face. “They cheated on you,” they said after a while, looking up with them with a sad facial expression. “They cheated on you with your boss and you ended up finding it out on your own.”

 

They let out a deep exhale and bit their bottom lip, “How did that happen?”

 

“Apparently they went missing and wouldn’t answer any of your calls or texts and you ended up going out in the middle of the night to look for them, and you caught them having sex with your boss. It was early in the morning when you figured it out and called me and started saying what happened while crying, I could barely understand what you were saying but I figured that it had something to do with the other. And one thing let to another and you guys got into a fight and they moved out and your boss dumped a ton of work on you and made your work life miserable. Then they got married and forced you to go to the wedding, and then you tried to jump off a building.”

 

“Did you get all of the information from my past self?”

 

“Most of it was from you, but some of it is from other people.”

 

“Did you go the wedding?”

 

“No, I didn’t like them so I stayed home and did nothing.”

 

“Okay…” Phosphophyllite nodded, ignoring the pain in their chest from the gained information as they looked back at their list of questions. “I’m sorry, but where did I work?”

 

“At some office building, I can’t remember the name was since I haven’t been to where you lived in a while.”

 

“Did I work there with Cairngorm?”

 

“No, they worked somewhere else but I don’t know where.”

 

Phos’ teal eyes stared at the crumpled paper in their hands before they looked back at Cinnabar. “I think that that’s all of the things that I’m curious about, thank you.” They said with a small smile, watching the redhead let out a small hum and a nod as a you’re welcome. 

 

They grabbed their stuff before they left, a sigh leaving their lips as they walked down the hallway and thought about what they should eat. They ended up eating at a fast food joint before going to a decent hotel to stay at since it’ll be too late in the night when they got back home. They exhaled when they laid down on the bed, letting their sore back relax as they laid there. 

 

They let their mind go off and think about different things, asking themselves multiple questions about stuff that they were told. Why did Cairngorm cheat on them? Why was Cairngorm and Ghost’s relationship so messed up? What happened at the wedding that drove them insane? There were so many questions that they wanted to ask, yet too many people to gather answers from. They ended dwelling on their thoughts before they fell asleep where they laid on the bed. 

 

That night they had yet another odd dream to deal with the next day. They were balled up in a closet, a thin sheet hanging on a shelf that hid them from the closed door. Tears rolled down their cheeks as they went through their photos, their thumb moving across the screen to look at pictures and videos before deleting them. Their free hand moved up and wiped away the salty drops of water that fell down their cheeks, sniffling and exiting out of the app that they were in. 

 

Phos went into their contacts, their thumb hovering over Antarcticite before deciding that they didn’t want to worry them anymore than they already did. They ended up calling Cinnabar, pressing the phone against their ear as they let the silent tears stroll down their cheeks. “Phos? What the hell are you-“

 

“Cinnabar, they cheated on me with Aechmea and I don’t know what to do anymore.” They spoke quickly, their voice cracking as they felt happy that the other answered their very early morning call. “I don’t What to say to them and I just want to-“

 

“Can you repeat everything you said, but slower?”

 

Phosphophyllite then explained to the other what they said just seconds ago, trying to talk more slower to the other could understand. “Listen, try not to do anything to yourself. I’ll try to come by one of these days.”

 

“Okay, I promise.”

 

Their eyes then closed in a blink and when they opened them, they were back in the same room as before. When they moved their eyes to the side, Cinnabar was in Antarcticite’s place from the dream before. It was quiet between the two before the redhead looked at them with a slight glare and clearly said “You Liar”.

 

Phosphophyllite woke up in the early morning their face completely wet from tears, laying there with their eyes wide as they stared at the ceiling. They got up after a while to wash their face, telling themselves to get used to the “nightmares” since they were probably going to have them for a long time. 

 

They grabbed their stuff and headed out of their room, going to the lobby to eat the breakfast that they were serving before going to back to the train station. While they were sitting down on the locomotive, they wrote more questions before grabbing their phone to call someone. When they heard the person on the other side of the receiver mutter a soft, yet tired “hello”, their eyes look up at the ceiling with a softly sigh. 

 

“Hey Ghost, Sorry for worrying you, but could I ask you some questions later today.”

 

“Sure, I don't mind if you do that.” 

 

“Alright, I’ll see you later today.”

 

When Phosphophyllite left the station, they ended up passing by a somewhat peculiar couple and their eyes moved to look at them. They made eye contact with the smaller person, their stomach doing a backflip as they passed by them. A sigh left their lips as the sick feeling lingered in stomach before they tried to shake it off, continuing to walk away.  


	6. Chapter 6

Phos made their way to Ghost Quartz apartment as soon as they got off of the train, slipping past the people that walked the opposite way that they did. The feeling sick feeling in their stomach from walking past someone who seemed familiar as they walked it off and stopped at an intersection. They tried to dig back in their mind to try and remember that face of theirs, but as usual, nothing came to mind and they were left with nothing once again. They mentally scolded themselves for not asking anyone what this person named Cairngorm looked like, but they had yet another chance to see who this mystery person was by seeing their sibling. 

 

It wasn’t much longer until they arrived at the right apartment complex and the right number and knocked on the door before awaiting a response. And Luckily for them, it was only a mere few seconds until the older gem opened the door and gave them a gentle smile when they saw their face. Their hair was a tad bit messy, probably from either waking up or just not doing anything that morning, and they still had on their pajamas that they wore to bed. “Ah, I didn’t expect you to make your way here so quickly.”

 

“Yea, I came here as fast as I could, sorry for waking you up.”

 

“It’s fine, i wasn't doing anything in particular and waiting for you to come by. Have you eaten anything yet?”

 

With a simple shake of the head, they walked into the other’s neat home and sat down at the table while the other made them something to eat. “How is everything going with work?” They asked, holding back the millions of questions that they wanted to ask them until later.

 

“Slow, as usual. It’s not too common for a lot of people to come into the library during the work days, or at all. But we should get busy here pretty soon since we have a few events coming up in the next few weeks.”

 

“I see… How’s Lapis doing?”

 

“The same as always-- nothing really changed with them since you woke up a couple of months ago. They were worried about you when you first left with meet up with Antarc, but they figured that everything was going to be okay.”

 

“They need to stop being concerned about my well being all the time, I tell them that I’m okay and nothing’s wrong or hurting.” Phosphophyllite said with a gentle smile, looking down into their lap as they thought about their older sibling.

 

‘They can’t help it, you’re family,” Ghost gave them a kind smile as they put down a plate with hot food in front of them. The teal gem wanted to take this opportunity to ask about their own sibling, but the other quickly changed the topic. “Speaking of which, how was your trip when you visited Antarc and Cinnabar? Did everything go like you planned it would go?”

 

“It was good, I got to learn more things about myself and other things that I didn’t know before. I didn’t ask all of the things that I wanted to, but I’m content with what I received.”

 

“Is that why you’re here? To ask the excess questions that you might've forgotten to ask?”

 

Phos hesitated for a little bit before they gave them a small nod, “Yes, that and some other things. I feel like you’ve been around in my life the longest and I thought that I would ask you some personal things.”

 

“I feel honored that you think that, but I’m actually not the person whose been around the longest. I believe Cinnabar has been with you ever since you were younger and Lapis as well, but I’ve only been close to you since I was introduced to you. But regardless, I’ll try to answer whatever question that you give me.”

 

“Thank you,” the teal gem gave them a happy smile before they started to eat the food that was sitting there for a few minutes. “I want to ask… something that might be a little uncomfortable to you first.”

 

Ghost Quartz furrowed their eyebrows and tilted their head when those words left their mouth. “And what would that be?”

 

“Could you tell me about your relationship with Cairngorm?”

 

The white and blocked haired gem looked down at the table sadly as they smiled softly to themselves, “Cairngorm, hm? I haven’t heard someone mention their name in a while…”

 

“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t-”

 

“Don’t worry about me-- I said that I would answer any question I had, didn’t I? And besides, it might be about time to tell people what our relationship is.”

 

“Okay… Antarc and Cinnabar both mentioned something along the lines of you guys always fighting about something. Do you think that you could start there?”

 

The other nodded, “they aren’t wrong about that, we did always fight about everything. I guess that jealousy kind of ruined the relationship that we could’ve had.”

 

“Jealousy?”

 

“Yea. I am the oldest out of the both of us, so i was the one was treated better than they were and whatever i didn’t use-- they got. Our parents taught me better so I can be more successful in life i guess you could say, so i got all the nice and expensive things. The nice books, the phone, the good allowance, the good praises for grades, and the one with awards all over the walls.”

 

“What about Cairngorm?”

 

“Almost the opposite from me. My mother ended up cheating on my father when I was around 1 and they got into a huge argument about it but ended up staying together. They ended up deciding even before they were born that they weren’t their true child. So in simpler forms, I was the perfect child they wanted and Cairn was the mistake. I always felt bad since they were treated like that, but they’d always push me away and not accept my help.”

 

“So that was the start of it?”

 

“I guess you could say that, we always had a rocky sort of relationship while growing up together since we were treated so differently from each other. They already had a reputation of being a bad kid, so we’d always fight when they weren’t home so we wouldn’t get in trouble. It wasn’t physical all the time, but we definitely yelled and screamed when we fought and it took a toll on our relationship because of it. I remember that they called me out on something when the family was together and I had enough of the fighting and the bickering and the constant false accusations and the lies. So I moved out the same day I graduated high school so i wouldn’t have to deal with all of that everyday.”

 

Phosphophyllite nodded as they tried to shove all of the information that they were just told into their head so they could remember it later. “Did that help your relationship at all when you left?”

 

Ghost Quartz shrugged, “ Yes and no, it depends on when you looked at it. At first, they would harass me and kept telling me that I was a failure for running away from the problem and it continued for a while. But, all of it went away as we just drifted away from each other and didn’t talk to each other for years. We started to talk about 2 years ago and started to reconnect and make up for lost time when we were younger.”

 

“When did things start to fall apart for you guys?”

 

“When I started to date Lapis-- we both loved them and I was the one who actually brought it up to them. Cairngorm admired them from afar and hoped that something would happen, so they were furious when they found out that I took them from them. They brought back old fights from when we were children and then we stopped talking altogether again, but things got worse when they met Aechmea.”

 

“Aechmea?” Phos asked, not being too familiar with the name.

 

“He used to be your boss, but you quit the day you tried to commit suicide.”

 

Shivers went up their spine from the mention of the attempt, “What did he do to ruin it further?”

 

“I’m not all that sure myself, all I know is that when I saw Cairngorm again, they weren’t the same Cairngorm that I grew up with. They were different-- more harsher to me than usual and didn’t want to have anything to do with me, it was upsetting for me to see this since we started to talking again. I once tried to ask them why they wanted to me by his side all the time, and all they said was they get to have the love no one gave them. He gave them whatever they asked and they treated them nicely-- and i respected their decision, but as their older sibling I couldn’t help but worry about what was going on with them. And… I ended up ruining our relationship because I was so concerned about them and jumping into something with someone they didn’t even know.”

 

“Do you know anything about the relationship I had with them?”

 

“You dated them after you broke up with Cinnabar, and I thought that you guys were going to last a long time, but then Aechmea came into the picture. He ended up convincing them to cheat on you without you knowing and it ended lasting for about a year before you broke up. I knew about it and I wanted to tell you about what was going on, but they threatened me if I brought it up to you. When you found out, they thought that I told you and so Cairn came over to my place and we fought and it was the only time that it was a physical fight since I left the house. They called me names, insulted me, told lies of what our parents said and ended it with telling me to die. I thought about it for a while, but then i back away from the idea and I cut them off from my life after that fight and I ignore every attempt they make to try to talk to me. What’s the point in trying to fix burned bridges anymore?”

 

Phosphophyllite nodded softly as they pushed their now-empty place to the side, opening their mouth and closed it when they saw the sad look in the others eyes, deciding that it was time to change to subject. “Can I ask you about Lapis?”

 

Ghost gave them a gentle nod as they flashed them a smile, “yea, ask away.”

 

“Have I always lived with them?”

 

“No, you lived with them for a while, but then you decided to move out before you woke up, I can take you there now if you’d like.”

 

Phos gave them a smile and nodded happily, “Yea, can you do that?”

 

The elder nodded and got up from their seat, going to their room to look for something and to grab a spare key to the place before coming out a while later. They cleaned up the small mess they made while cooking and threw away any trash in the kitchen before they left and started to walk. Apparently it wasn’t too far away to go by car, so they both decided to walk to the place since it wasn’t going to be that long of a walk there.

 

“Hey, Ghost?” The teal gem perked up, looking at the slightly shorter gem next to them, “who do you think I should go to next?”

 

The other hummed as they looked up at the slightly cloudy sky, “I suggest going to either Rutile, Euclase, or Jade since they might know more about what you want to know more about.”

 

The younger gem nodded softly as they hummed softly, “alright, I’ll think about going to talk to them next.”

 

“You should,” Ghost Quartz smiled at them before they walked up the steps in an apartment complex and walked along the hallway that was lined with doors and numbers. They eventually stopped at a door with the mailbox stuffed with different mail and letters, “we usually tried to keep it clean, but we all got busy when you woke up.” They explained before they opened the door.

 

It was dark and somewhat neat, piles of different mail and cards scattered around the home and dust-covered pictures hung on the walls. Some small gifts that were labeled  ‘happy birthday” were in the floor next to the coffee table and there were dead plants that were on the windowsills and on the balcony that was visible from the front door. They don’t remember a day or single millisecond in this apartment, but their gut told them that they were home and a nostalgic feeling came over their body as they stood in the doorway.

 

They eventually flicked on the light and looked at the living room, dining room, and the kitchen in all its dusty glory. They thought about where to go first, looking at everything before they sat down on the couch and picked up a couple of cards that were left there. Almost all of them all had “Get well soon” or “I miss you” on the front or somewhere in the cards that was shown. The child inside them wanted to see what other people gave them, but they decided to wait until they were alone in the apartment to go crazy and make a huge mess.

 

Phos went back to the door where Ghost was standing and picked up a picture coated with dust and used their wrist to see what was under the grey glass. It was a picture with them, Antarc, and someone else that they didn’t quite know but could only guess who it was. “That’s Cairngorm,” They elder gem started, “It was before things started falling apart and both of you were happy.”

 

The teal gem nodded softly before they put it down and looked around the apartment once more, walking to explore every little thing available to them. “I’m going to stay here a bit longer, is that fine with you?”

 

“Yea, you can stay here as long as you want to since it is your place. Do you want me to come back and take you home when you’re ready?”

 

“No, I’ll call Lapis to pick me up since I don’t want to bother you anymore.”

 

Ghost Quartz nodded softly before they placed down the extra key and started to leave, “alright, good luck on your adventure.” They said with a gentle smile before they left Phosphophyllite alone. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still alive y’all, sorry for the long month and unneeded break

Phosphophyllite closed the door behind them as they sat down next to small boxes that were on the top step on the concrete staircase, a sigh leaving their lips as they sat down. Their teal eyes moved up to look up at the high full moon before they pulled out their phone, looking at the time before they set it aside and sat in silence. They scanned the streets and looked for their siblings car pull up in the parking lot, which they hoped that it would be soon. 

 

It was nice earlier in the day, but now that the sun fell along with the temperature it grew colder than it was just a few hours ago. The wind blew against the bare skin on their arms and had small bumps form along the surface. They didn’t want to have Lapis rush so they could get warm quickly, but they didn’t want them to rush for such an unnecessary reason. 

 

Phos checked the time once more before they turned to look at the boxes and sorted through some things that were in the box closest to them. Their hand glided along all of the letters and papers that were in it, eventually finding what they were looking for and pulled it out. They placed the item on their lap and looked at the framed picture in front of them, sighing as they looked at the picture of them and Cairngorm and studied it. Although they’ve stared at every picture that they had in the building, they felt like they needed to study each picture more. 

 

It upset them more than anything to know that they felt some connection to they couldn’t figure it out just yet. They knew that they dated and had some discourse in the past, but what was even left to know what that connection is? They longed to know what else was hidden in the cracks that was too thin for them to reach. What hid in the shadows about their relationship intrigued them to poke around where they didn’t belong. 

 

Phos licked their bottom lip as they thought long and hard about what information they could pull out of the single picture. But, the only thing that they could pull out was to confirm what Ghost said about their sibling was true. 

 

Cairngorm has the same facial structure as the older sibling, having the same slender face and white hair as the other. Their skin was darker than the others, but they looked exactly the same as the other. It was odd seeing the siblings look so different but so similar at the same time. There was the Amethysts, but there want was difference between them besides on their hairstyles being different. 

 

Phosphophyllite sighed as they put the picture back here they had it before they started rummaging through the box once more. They looked at the pictures that they took from their apartment and tried to find some connection, but nothing really sparked in their mind. “I wonder if Lapis would know about this…”

 

“If I knew about what?”

 

They jumped back and nearly knocked the box over onto the platform behind them, they watched their sibling laugh and took a seat next to them. “When did you show up?” Phos asked with a frown as they put some pictures back into the box, “I never got a text from you.”

 

“I never texted you, you were sitting there and I figured that you saw me pull up.”

 

“Well, you thought wrong.”

 

The elder sibling chuckled a little bit before they grabbed the box and started to go back down to the semi-small car. “What’s all of this stuff for?”

 

The teal gem shrugged, “I just felt like I needed to bring them to figure things out.”

 

“And that’s where I came into your thoughts?” Lapis raised their eyebrow as they looked at the other curiously, closing the trunk and getting into the driver’s side of the car. 

 

Phosphophyllite nodded, “Yea, I figured that you would help me since you know more than I do.”

 

The elder sibling smiled at them softly before they gently rested their hand on the others head. “Don’t worry, I’ll try to help you sort things out when we get back.”

 

“Thanks…”

 

The rest of the way home was only really filled with Phos asking why couldn’t their sibling couldn’t fill in all the details right then and there. But, Lapis insisted on them waiting until they were home so they can explain things in fuller detail with all of the stuff they gathered. The moment the car was parked, the teal gem hopped out and grabbed all of the boxes and hurriedly went to the door. Their burst of excitement lowered as they stood at the door with a frown when the door was locked. “Walk faster, please.”

 

“I’m hurrying, thanks for at least being nice about it.”

 

Lapis Lazuli set down the box at their doorstep before they unlocked the door, picking the box back up and kicking it open. They set the stuff that the younger sibling gathered at the location they were at not too long ago. The elder sibling wanted to look at all of the things that they haven’t seen before while the other frantically took everything out. 

 

They grabbed a picture that they haven’t seen before and looked at it for a while, studying everything that was there. Their teal eyes looked at the picture once more before they grabbed the one that they saw when they first came into their apartment. They flipped between the two, comparing the figure in both that they didn’t recognize. “So this is Cairngorm?” They asked, wanting some form of confirmation at that point even though Ghost told them so. 

 

Lapis put a card down and moved closer to see what they were looking at, “yea, that’s them.”

 

Phosphophyllite hummed, putting both of them down and looking at some more things that they brought home. “They look so different…”

 

The other nodded, “yea, they changed a lot in both style and personality since they knew Aechmea.”

 

“Ooh, okay…”

 

The blue gem turned to the side and started to dig through the box, taking out a picture and pointing at Cairngorm. “See here? I remember them randomly showing up with expensive clothing and the both of us being confused about where it came from.”

 

Phos looked at where they pointed, grabbing a picture they looked at before and looked back at it. They were confused about how they wanted to trade out being in comfortable clothes with stuff that was the complete opposite. “Their taste in fashion is gross.”

 

The two looked through all of the things that they gathered, setting them into two groups of what that thought was important. The teal gem picked up a picture and looked at it, a small tab in the lower corner of the covered page. They turned the frame around and took off the back, their face lighting up when they saw money hidden from view. They took it out and set it to the side, picking up a torn piece of notebook paper that was decorated with colorful pens.

 

Phosphophyllite looked at the words that said ‘I won’ for a few seconds before they slid it to their sibling. “What is this?”

 

Lapis looked at it before they slid it back, “it was a think you used to do with a Cairngorm. You guys would hide money places just for fun and whoever found it got it.”

 

“Mmm,” Phos looked at it again before they set it aside in the important pile. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure, what is it?”

 

“Do you know why all of this started happening?”

 

The other looked up before they sighed, staying silent as they thought about the answer. “I don’t know,” they replied after a while, “things just all started falling apart one by one.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, I guess it all started with Padparadscha? They just disappeared off the face of the earth for months without anyone hearing from them, then the whole Aechmea thing started and then you found out-“

 

“What happened with Padparadscha?”

 

Lapis shrugged, “I don’t know, they just made the decision to get their stuff and leave without anyone knowing. They just got engaged with Rutile months before so they were freaking out, no one knew if they were okay. And, then when the whole fiasco between you and Cairn started they showed back up at Yellow’s place and didn’t let anyone know.”

 

“I see…”

 

“I heard that they are living together again and trying to fix things, but they haven’t mentioned anything about it so I’m not sure if it’s true or not.”

 

Phosphophyllite looked at them curiously, “they still live together even when they had stuff happen in the past and are still fighting?”

 

“Yea, I guess Rutile’s just denying it and trying not to believe it or something like that.”

 

Phos hummed as they nodded, sorting through the small pile they had left in their lap. “Can I go over there tomorrow? I want to ask them some stuff.”

 

Lapis Lazuli nodded with a small smile, “yea, I’m off tomorrow so I can go with you so you don’t have to deal with all of the tension yourself.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The next day they left the house around midday and went to the elder gems apartment to do what they needed to do. The pair walked up to the closed door and knocked on it, waiting outside for about a minute before it opened. 

 

Half of Padparadscha’s face was hidden by the partially opened door, a small smile on their tired lips. “Hey, what are you guys doing over here unexpectedly?”

 

“Can you let us in? I want to ask a few questions to ask you.” Phos asked, tilting their head to the side as they looked at the other. 

 

The door closed and there was a chain moving around before it opened completely, Padpa smiling at them as they invited them in. “Sorry, everything’s a little messy. We’re moving things around right now, so everything is all over the place.”

 

Phos nodded softly before they walked in, immediately knowing what Lapis was talking about when they mentioned the tension between the two. The small living room was being used as a living space, baskets and piles of clothes all surrounding the couch where a messy bed was made. There was a small pile of dirty dishes on the small coffee in front of the tv and there were also a pile of hair and bathroom stuff around the sink in the kitchen. What they imagined when they heard about the tension between them was nothing compared to what was actually in front of them. 

 

A small sigh left their nose as the walked in with their sibling as they watched the elder gem move things around and put stuff away so they can have room to sit down and relax. They grabbed their un-cased phone and started to type something before they put it to the side and gave them their signature smile. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

 

“Actually, I want to ask you about a lot of things. Is that fine with you”

 

“Yea, it's not like I have anywhere to be later on.”

 

“Okay,” Phosphophyllite took in a deep breath, looking down at their hands before they realized that they had no reference like the had the last couple of times. “Is it fine if I ask you about your relationship with Rutile? I don’t want to ask you stuff if-”

 

They shook their head, “It’s fine, I don’t mind telling you about it.”

 

Weight lifted off of their shoulders as they nodded, “can you tell me where everything started to fall apart between you two?”

 

There was a moment of silence as Padparadscha looked up at the ceiling and thought about their answer. “I’m not really sure myself, it was fine and then everything fell to pieces.”

 

“Why did that happen?”

 

“I guess it all started when Rutile was gone for work and I was bored like I usually was and so I went out to hang out with some friends. I can’t really remember what happened, but I recall meeting this one person and we just started to hit it off and got to know each other. It was originally just a friend thing, but then we started to see each other more and more and it ended up leading into something else. It was easy for me to get away with it since Rutile was gone all the time and everyone was busy doing their own thing, so it lasted for a while.”

 

“Did they ever find out?”

 

“Almost. I was talking to them on the phone when they came in and they didn’t think anything about it and I got scared that something would happen between us and-”

 

“Is that when you left?”

 

Padparadscha nodded and looked down at their hands, “Yea, I packed up all of my things and I left to another town to be with them. I didn’t tell Yellow, Alex, or anybody because I knew that they’d relayed the message back to Rutile and they’d find out. So I just never answered any of their messages or their calls so I didn’t have to tell them where I was or why I left. It was a couple of months before I realized that I made the wrong decisions and I ended it with the person that I was with and came back. I stayed with Yellow Diamond for a few hours before they told Rutile that I was back and they came to take me back. I was confused as to why they did it, but they said that they didn’t want me to become a burden on them and that it was easier for everyone for me to be with them. But I knew that they wanted to get answers and believe that everything was going to be the same as it was and that nothing was wrong.”

 

“Did things get better after you get back?”

 

“Yes and no. We had a lot of late night fights and arguments and we both had a bad time trying to be on the same side instead of opposites. And then we somehow managed to make everything work out for a long time before I found myself talking to them again and tried to keep it from them. But, stupid me forgot that they’d find out easier since I already did to them once, and they ended finding  out about it and we had a huge fight and now everything’s back to where it was before. They barely trust me anymore and I’d be surprised if they took me back as easily as they did.”

 

Padparadscha turned around and looked at the mess behind them, “You can see how much they don’t want to be around me anymore.”

 

“Why don’t they let you go somewhere else?”

 

“They gave me the option to go, I just didn’t take it up because I know that things will get worse if I did. I’m just clinging onto the fact that things are going to sort themselves out if I’m still here.”

 

“I see…” They nodded softly, opening their mouth to ask something else but couldn’t get a syllable out before the door opened.

 

 They turned around to look at Rutile, their lips pressed together tightly as they looked angrily at Padparadscha, “I thought I told you-”

 

“Sorry, sorry, I know. I sent you a text when they came over and-”

 

“You know I don’t check my phone when I’m working! You could’ve at least-”

 

“Hey Rutile, can I talk to you in private?” Lapis introjected, standing between them and giving the other a gentle smile. The riled up doctor was quiet for a few seconds before they huffed angrily, kicking off their shoes by the door was storming off with Lapid following them and closed the door behind them.

 

“Sorry for that,” Padpa chuckled nervously, taking off their rubber band holding back all of their messy hair before somehow putting it back into a large messy bun. “What were you saying before they came in?”

 

“I really can’t remember,” Phos laughed awkwardly, messing with their bangs with their sweaty fingers. Seeing the other that mad startled them and kept it in their mind that they were a very nice and sweet person based on how they were treated when they were in the hospital. They mentally slapped themselves for thinking that they wouldn’t be overly pissed after they were cheated on twice.

 

The teal gem cleared their throat before they looked up at the surprisingly calm redhead in front of them. “Um… Can you tell me about the night of when I tried to-”

 

Padparadscha thankfully interrupted them before they had to finish their sentence, the sickness in their stomach slowly going away. “From what I know, you stopped talking with Cairngorm for months and then they forced you to go to their wedding, so you were already pretty upset about that. They were kind of- how do I put this? Bragging to you the entire time? I’m not sure, I’m just guessing on what I saw them do the entire night until you stormed out.”

 

“Why did I do that?”

 

They shrugged, “we weren’t why you did it, but we assumed that they pulled a victim card or something like that. We talked about it after you left and we thought that you would come back because you said that you were fine. And when you didn’t, we all thought that you went home to cool off or just to sleep. We didn’t know that you tried to kill yourself until Rutile was suddenly called into work and they let us know what happened.”

 

Phosphophyllite nodded, looking at their knees as they thought about their situation. A part of them wanted to imagine how everything went down, but they shook the idea out of their head and looked back at the other. “Did… Did Cairngorm ever ask you anything about cheating or anything?”

 

Padparadscha’s eyebrows furrowed as they looked at them curiously, sighing as their eyes drifted off. They were quiet for a solid minute before they nodded, “yea, they did once.”

 

“What did they say?”

 

“It was after I came back it started to leak out that I cheated on Rutile for a long time. I was hanging out with Alex and Yellow and they came up to me and asked me how I got away with cheating. I didn’t reply because I was confused about why they were asking me about it. I asked them to repeat it and they just said never mind and walked off.”

 

“Okay, thank you.” Phos smiled at them and got up from their seat, going to the room they saw Rutile and Lapis disappear into. They walked into the room, not really looking around in the room they were in, their eyes looked at the clear doors not too far away from where they stood. 

 

Outside on the balcony, Lapis sat on the ground and their blue eyes looking up at the doctor next to them. One of Rutile’s gloved hands was hiding the top part of their face while the other had a partially burnt cigarette. Phosphophyllite looked at the scene in front of them, gaining their courage before they softly knocked on the door. Both gems looked at them, becoming evident to them that the usually composed doctor was bawling their eyes out. 

 

Their sibling said something that they couldn’t hear from inside the room, the blue gem waving at them before they stepped inside. “Ready?”

 

“Yea, lets go.”

 

“Hey Phos,” Rutile spoke up, startling the other as they turned around and looked at them getting up from their seat. They put out their cigarette butt before they turned and looked at them, wiping their tears from their wet face. “I wanted to tell you that Cairngorm came by a few times while you were still in the hospital. They came once when you were still in your coma and again after you woke up and you fell asleep for the night.”

 

“What did they say?”

 

They shrugged, “I didn’t hear all of what they said, but it sounded like they were just complaining about certain things. Sometimes they would apologize for what they did, and sometimes they’d complain about all the things that you did that annoyed the daylights out of them.”

 

“I… I see…” a part of them was disappointed from the information they were told by them. They assumed that they wanted it to have some sort of impact like Cinnabar’s and Antarcticites messages to them, but they never knew. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

 

“No problem,” Rutile took a step into their room and closed the glass door behind them, “also, be careful with all of your investigating. I don’t want you to get in the same low point you were before.”

 

“I will, and,” they paused as they looked at the ground before they looked at the other with confidence. “I hope that things get sorted out between you and Padparadscha.”

 

Their hazel eyes widened in surprise by the simple response before they gave them a gentle smile. “I will, thank you.”

 

And with that, Phos gave them a small wave before they turned to leave and left with Lapis. “Got everything you needed from them?” They asked as they got into the car. 

 

Phosphophyllite thought for a few seconds before they nodded, “yea, I did. I’m ready for whatever’s next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!  
> I had a trip to Japan and school started for me and then I had a lot of problems with mental health and it’s not any better since I haven’t been to therapy in a while. I’m still struggling and it’s definitely not an., okay amount of depression and shit but, I’m still working on it. Hopefully I’ll be able to get my lazy ass up and chase off this depression ASAP so I can get the next chapter out faster than I did this one.
> 
> But hey, at least one good thing about this is that you guys get a nearly 4,000 word chapter :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then Phos was not ready for whatever was next :)

_ Phos curled themselves in a ball, looking at the numbers on their phone turn to 1:00 AM. A sigh left their lips as they turned off their phone, burying their chin into their knees. Their sad eyes looked at the door, waiting for their partner to come in the door. They didn’t even want to see them, they just wanted to know that they’re done cheating on them. They want to know that they still care for them even if they’re gone every night, they just want them to come back to them. That’s all they needed to make them pretend they never saw what they did.  _

 

_ The teal gem stared at the door for a couple more minutes before they sighed and got up from their spot. They went into the room and got down on the floor where their bag was laying by the bed, pulling out their wallet. They fingered through the green dollar bills they had left in their wallet before they pulled out a few and placed them on the floor. The gem stood up and went back to the living room, looking at all of the million pictures they had crowded around the small bookshelf.  _

 

_ They picked once that was closest to the door hinges, taking off the back and placing the money in a way where it was obvious. They tore a piece of paper off of some random sheet and wrote ‘I won’ and decorated it. Phosphophyllite put the cardboard back on and placed it where it was before, plopping back onto the couch.  _

 

_ Their now tired eyes looked back at the door, waiting for the jiggling of the knob followed along with the jingle of keys. They felt like a dog waiting for their owner to come back home to give them company— to give them love and all the pets and head pats in the world. The only difference between them was that their owners love them no matter what mess they made, and Cairngorm was too busy cheating on them to acknowledge their wants, their needs. They could bark as long and as loud as their vocal cords allowed them to, but they could truly never get what they wanted.  _

 

_ They haven’t been on a simple date in months, and it’s not uncommon for Phos to fall asleep and wake up in their bed alone. At this point, they wish they were a dog so they can get the love that they craved so much.  _

 

_ They didn’t know how long they spent comparing themselves to a dog, but they ended up passing out in the most uncomfortable position. They didn’t realize that they passed out until they woke up to the doorknob shaking and the jingle of house keys outside. Phos checked their phone and frowned at the sight of the time now being 2:20 AM before they hopped up when the door opened.  _

 

_ Cairngorm looked at them confused, their hand moving their white hair back as they closed the door. “You’re still up? I thought that you would’ve been asleep by now.” _

 

_ “Yes- uh no,” they gave them a sly smile, “I just actually woke up, I fell asleep waiting for you to come home.” _

 

_ A frown formed on their face, the sympathetic look in their eyes that they haven’t seen in a while. “Sorry, I lost track of time and didn’t realize what time it was until not too long ago.” _

 

_ “You’re 4 hours late from when you said you could be home. Why are coming back this late?” _

 

_ “Work held me back later than I expected and some friends invited me out to go drinking with them. I really did forget to come home at 11, I’m sorry I let you down.”  _

 

_ Phos looked down and nodded, hiding the pain that was in their eyes from the other. They’ve gotten good at finding and sorting out the lies the other threw at them, and they got good at playing dumb. It was obvious they were lying, from the fact Cairngorm said they didn’t work all week and they barely hang out with friends. They don’t drink too much to come home at 2 o’clock in the morning and there’s no way in hell their work would hold them back later than an hour.  _

 

_ “You could’ve at least called and told me that you were going to be late tonight.” The teal gem looked up at the other, not even bothering to hide their tear filled eyes. “Do you go to work tomorrow?” _

 

_ Cairngorm dropped their keys in the metal dish by the door, “no, I don’t. Why do you ask?” _

 

_ Phosphophyllite dropped their phone on the couch and went up to them, reaching out and grabbing their hand. They intertwined their fingers and got close enough to smell whatever scents their clothes picked up. It was obvious they were with Aechmea, the smell of their boss making their heart sink even though they already knew. “If you don’t work, then how about we go on a date tomorrow? We could-“ _

 

_ Cairngorm interrupted them by yanking their hand away and slightly pushing them away from being close to them. It was like they didn’t want them to know the secret that they already figured out about them. “I told you that I was busy tomorrow, remember? I told you at least a week ago that I had to talk to Ghost about some stuff, it’ll have to wait until next time.” They explained, patting their head before they walked off to their room.  _

 

_ Phos watched them disappear around the corner before they felt the sensation of someone kicking the backs of their knees. They tumbled onto the ground and the next thing they knew they just started sobbing, not even trying to cover their sobs like they usually did. They truly felt like an animal being left out in a box in the rain, being abandoned on the lonely streets. Oh how much they envied the dogs inside the homes that got all the love and attention in the world, while Cairn couldn’t even learn how to tell the truth.  _

 

_ It wasn’t long until Cairngorm came out of their room and looked at them worriedly, “Phos? Why are you crying?” _

 

_ They looked at them before they looked back down at their shaking hands, sniffling before wiping their tears and ignoring the tightness in their chest. They’ve always dreamt of this moment happening, so why are they suddenly hesitating and letting this chance get away? “Cairn…” they said in a muffled voice, their voice cracking as they said the others name. “Are you cheating on me?” _

 

_ The apartment fell silent as the other was dealt with the proof that they somewhat knew about their late-night activities and saw through their lies. As they sat there, Phos didn’t know which one they wanted more— the truth, or just another lie so they can continue pretending that everything is okay.  _

 

_ Cairngorm walked over to them, using their middle and index fingers and lifted up their chin slightly. A sincere smile formed on their lips and made their heart happy upon knowing that it was yet another lie. **“No, why would I ever cheat on you?”** _

 

_ The next thing that they knew was that they were standing on top of a wet rooftop, their burning eyes looking among all of the lights in the city. It was a few seconds before their feet slowly moved off the ledge and they felt the whistling of the wind in their ears and- _

 

Phosphophyllite sat up quickly, feeling completely out of breath as they looked down at the sheets on their lap. They looked up frantically trying to figure out where they were before they realized that they were home- they were safe in the walls of their home. 

 

They got up from their bed and left the room, tripping over the transition between carpet and tile as they stormed into the kitchen. Their shaky hands grabbed any cup and filled it up with tap water, immediately chugging it before setting it to the side and coughed. They felt their racing heart come to ease as they looked down at the draining water in the metal sink. 

 

While searching and going through the information, they’ve definitely had some weird dreams here and there when asking people stuff. But never— in all that they could remember— had they gotten that weird or had any mention in Cairngorm in it. 

 

With that, it made them wonder- just how crucial is Cairngorm in this entire situation? Nearly everyone they’ve talked to has mentioned their name in some form or another. All they knew form what people said and their weird dreams was that they used to date, something happened, they got cheated on, they broke up, drama happened, Cairngorm got married, they tried to jump off a building and now there they are. Their mind couldn’t comprehend how things somehow lead to this point, it felt like they were stuck in quicksand and couldn’t get out. 

 

They wanted to get information about everything, but everyone knew too much and they were processing things too quickly. They couldn’t understand what everyone was telling them, but they didn’t want to be in the dark any longer than they’ve already been. They wanted to know the truth behind this whole situation and have a resolution, and that was what they were going to do. 

 

Phos dumped the rest of their water out in the sink before they left and knocked on their sibling's room. They peeked in and wasn’t surprised to find them missing, “They’re probably at work.” They muttered before going back to their own room. 

 

The teal gem laid down on their bed, looking at the ceiling as they thought about what else to do next. As much as they wanted to go back and ask other people some more questions, they felt like bugging them wouldn’t magically have all the answers they needed. Cinnabar and Antarc didn’t work in the same place that they did, so how would they even know how to answer their questions? They just visited Padparadscha and Rutile, and they probably didn’t know much then what they’ve known or figured out. 

 

A part of them screamed to just meet up with Cairngorm, but they knew that they weren’t ready yet. They didn’t want to be the person who started a fight and didn’t come fully prepared. They wanted to know everything that they could get their hands on. 

 

Phosphophyllite grabbed their phone, looking surprised at how late they slept before they went to their contacts. They went to Cairngorms — which they changed back so the can know whose who — and looked at the last message that was exchanged. 

 

**‘by the way, Aechmea wants you to come back to work for whatever reason tomorrow, so do that.’**

 

“Work,” Phos breathed out carefully, sitting back up and leaving the app to go investigating some more. 

They went onto their social media and looked at their bio, finding the place that they worked and took a screenshot of the page. They clicked on their friends' lists and scrolled through the endless faces of people that they knew or heard of. They stopped at Euclase, hesitating for a few seconds before they clicked on their face and waited for the page to load. When the page finally showed their page, click on their bio and desperately looked for their work. Their heart filled with happiness when they saw that it was the same place, hopping up from their bad. 

They went back to their contacts and looked for Euc’s number, taking a deep breath before they clicked it. Their heart started to beat quickly when they listed to the receiver ring, being taken aback when they heard their voice. “Hello?”

“Is this Euclase?” Phos dug their nails into their palm, talking it as a sort of punishment as asking it from asking a stupid question. 

“Yea, this is Euclase. Is that you, Phos?”

They nodded, “yea, it’s me. Are you busy right now?”

There was silence between the two of them, the sound of shuffling papers in the background and the faint sound of voices. “I’m at work right now, but I’m about to get off with Jade. Is something wrong?”

“No, no. I just wanted to ask you, and maybe Jade, some questions that I had.”

“About Cairngorm, I’m guessing?”

Phosphophyllite hummed, “yea. It’s about them.”

“Okay, I’m fine with answering any questions that you have about them,” Euclase explained, before telling them the place them and Jade was going for their break and that they can meet up there. 

It didn’t take them long after they hung up to throw song clothes on and get ready to leave the apartment. It was closer to the place where the other 2 were located at the moment, and it was going to take a while to walk there. They stole a sticky note from Lapis’ room and wrote where they were going Incase they came back while they were still gone. 

Phos didn’t mind walking to their destination, it was nice outside plus they haven’t gotten the chance to get the chance to breathe. From the second they left the hospital, they’ve been crazy trying to solve the riddle that was in their mind. When they weren’t traveling from one place to another, they were reading people's profiles, going through texts, and bothering themselves with trying to figure things out. There wasn’t a time when Lapis came home it didn’t help them connect the pieces of the puzzle. 

They didn’t realize how hungry they were until they passed by a small bakery, stopping on the side and thought. Their stomach told them to make a small stop and get something to eat, but they didn’t want to keep the others waiting. So, they decided to move on and they soon regretted their decision when they moved across the screen. 

When their phone wasn’t feeding them directions where to go, they were thinking about how hungry they were. They weren’t really paying attention to where their phone was taking them until it announced that they were at their destination. Their feet planted onto the ground underneath them, pulling their phone out and putting a stop to the directions. 

Phosphophyllite looked around, not recognizing where they were and didn’t see Euclase or Jade near them. A small sigh left their lips before they took a few small steps away from where they were standing. Their eyes looked at all of the building before their teal eyes locked onto one that was across the street from them. It was the building that they used to work at, but seeing it in person made their stomach sink. 

They stared at the title of the building for a while before their eyes slowly moved up to the top of the building, clenching their sweaty hands into a ball as they just looked at it. The sickness in their stomach grew as they remembered their dream that they had and imagined themselves standing on that same ledge. Phos saw themselves standing on the top of the building with torn socks and a wet face, looking down at the wet ground before they leaned forwards and fell. Their heart started racing as they saw themselves break through the particles in the air, the familiar whistle of wind in their ears, their chest tightening up as they got close to the bottom and-

“Phos?”

The teal gem snapped out of whatever phase they were in before they turned around and saw Euclase looking at them worriedly, their hand on their tense shoulder. “Are you okay?”

They looked back at the building across the street before they looked back at the pair and nodded, “Yea, I was just lost in my thoughts.”

The multi-haired gem nodded softly with a gentle smile, their hand leaving their shoulder and a warm feeling being left behind. “Have you been waiting for us long?” They asked as the 3 of them turned to go inside the building not too far away from them.

“No, I just got here not too long before you did.”

Euclase smiled softly at them with a small sigh of relief, “I’m glad we didn’t keep you waiting.”

“No, no. I left earlier than I should’ve because I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting.”

They sat in a few seconds of silence as the green gem left their group to go get a table for them to sit at. When they came back, they sat down with a small sigh before they leaned back onto the wall behind them, “So,” they started as they looked at them curiously. “What have you figured out so far about this whole Cairngorm thing?”

Phosphophyllite took in a deep breath as they brought out all of the information that they shoved into their brain in the last few weeks. Up until after they ordered their drink they filled them up with everything that happened up until now, adding everything everyone said into their long explanation. When they were done, the two gems across from them looked at each other with a surprised look on their faces.

“You got more information than I thought,” Jade muttered after a little bit before they took a sip of their drink. “You’re really insisting on trying to figure everything out, I admire that.”

“Yea,” Phos let out a nervous chuckle as they rubbed their back of their head. “It’s not the most fun thing waking up after a year and having all of this drama going on and you don’t have a clue what’s happening. When I found out about it, my gut just screamed that I needed to figure out what's going on and to try to resolve it.”

“It’s not the easiest thing waking up and having no idea what’s going on. Like Jade said,” Euclase paused and opened a small packet of creamer and put it into their coffee. “I admire the work you’re doing, you’re doing more work than else would want to do. You’re going to be back to your old self before you know it.”

“Thank you…”

“Do you want us to tell you about the place we work?”

The image of them falling off of the ledge came back to mind before they chased it out of their mind and nodded.

“Just as a disclaimer, it wasn’t always as bad as it is right now,” Euclase mentioned as they leaned back in their chair. “Near when the company first opened, someone named Kongo ran the place and it was a really nice place - both company wise and just in general. There was a lot of fun things going on and he was always so supportive of us and encouraged us the best we possibly could. I remember when Antarc got into their accident and you were upset, he always made sure that you were doing okay and let you have as much time as you needed to get better. Everything was okay until his adopted daughter ended up getting cancer and he needed to move so she can get better treatment.”

“And that’s when Aechmea took over,” Jade added, a sigh leaving their lips as they frowned. “At first, he tried to keep it the same way Kongo did, but then after a while, he just gave up. Completely transformed the company into so he can get more money rather than just being efficient. All of us got pay cuts, completely disregarding how the people who worked their longer deserved more money than the ones who just started. It turned into a situation where the more money he got ahold of, the more greedy he got in return and it showed for everyone except for our clients. He made all sorts of advances to us and always flirted with us despite the fact that we were clearly uncomfortable. I remember one of our good friends, Goshenite, got pregnant with their second child and requested to go on maternity leave when they got close to their due date and he got super pissed at her. Made all kinds of crude remarks and always harassed them and told them that they were going to lose money because she had to go and get pregnant, just terrible things. Their partner Morganite eventually came in when they heard about what had happened and there was a huge fight before they just moved to another city after their child was born.”

“Do they still come around to see people here often?” Phos asked, suddenly worried for the people who they didn’t know.

Euclase nodded, “They come by every now and then, we usually have a small party or something when they come back into town. You used to super close to them before they left, they adored you and were upset when they heard about what happened.”

“They came frequently to the hospital when you were in your coma and took care of you when Lapis wasn’t able to stay. Their children always read their books to you and they tried to get Aechmea fired while they were here, almost everyone who you were close with came by to see you and made sure that you were okay.”

Phosphophyllite took their arms off of the table as the server came by and put the food down on the space in front of them, looking at the steam before they looked at the Jade and Euclase. “Did you guys know about Cairn cheating on me with Aechmea?”

They looked at each other before they both nodded in unison, a frown forming on both of their lips. “Yea, we did. Everybody except for you knew about it.”

“What?” The familiar sick feeling in their stomach they grew to live with came back as they felt their heart clench. They felt like they were reliving the moment all over again, feeling the same as they did in their dream earlier. “What do you mean?”

“He told all of us that he got Cairn to cheat on you, he always boasted about all the things that they did while you were stuck at work,” Jade explained, messing with the small bits of food on their plate. It seemed like no one was hungry anymore after they expose their big secret. “Everyone wanted to tell you and give you a sign that he was doing that but…”   
  


“He threatened us and told us not to or else he’ll lower our ay even more and give us unfair work. He always checked our computers, looked at all of our notes, pulled us in every week and interrogated us about what we said to you, and when you were on break he pulled us into a meeting and threatened us not to tell you. We had no choice but to listen to him with how much he hovered over us and watched our every move. And not to mention we barely make enough to pay for rent, so we all had to be quiet about it unless we wanted everyone to suffer. Even now, he still doesn’t want anyone to talk to you, but he doesn’t even care about what we do so everyone goes behind his back and does these things anyways.”

Phos nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief before they grabbed a utensil and shoved food into their mouth, swallowing it down and ignoring how their stomach told them not to eat. “Did you guys see what happened after the whole wedding thing?”

“Yes and no,” Euclase started with a small shrug. “As Padpa said, we just guessed that you went home until we actually went into work and realized that you tried to jump off. We don’t like too far away from here, so on our way back we saw the sidewalk blocked off and emergency vehicles along the street so we knew something happened. We kind of pieced things together when we got in and saw the things that you left behind.”

“What were they?”

Jade thought for a little bit, “when we first got there, we noticed that there was a piece of paper on his door saying that you quit. I can’t remember what happened, but we eventually went up to the roof and found all of the things that you left behind.”

“Okay, Thank you for all of your explanations. I really appreciate all of your help,” Phos gave them a smiling, feeling the weight lift off of their shoulders as they felt the ends meet. They could see the puzzle they’ve been trying to put together for who knows how long, feeling at peace with how far they’ve gotten. They felt like they went from being a stray dog to finding their purpose in their happy pet life.

They thanked them for helping them explain everything that happened, eating the rest of their food before they all got up and went to their own places. Phos went back home and laid back on their bed, laying down and just thinking about everything they had so far and processing everything. They stayed in the house until the sun started to set, sending a text to someone before telling Lapis that they were going to step out for a little bit and will be back later. The teal gem walked to the park that wasn’t too far away before they took a seat on an empty swing, going back and forth slowly as they waited. It wasn’t until the sun set completely when they saw someone approaching the spot where they were waiting.

Their stomach did constant backflips and their palms started to sweat like crazy, their heart banging on their breastplate trying to get out of their body. But, despite how extremely nervous they were, they still got up from their swing and walked towards the familiar face. They smiled softly as they put their hands behind their back, their nails digging into their wrists to hide their nervousness.

“So,” Phosphophyllite swayed from side to side as they kept the smile on their face, “It’s nice to finally meet you…"

_**"Cairngorm.”** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shall now disappear into oblivion and drive everyone crazy because of this beautiful cliff hanger.
> 
> just joking, I won't be gone for that long and It might be around the same time that it took me to write this or maybe a little longer since I have school and stuff going on.

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Ichikawa for me writing this.


End file.
